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Alright, folks, welcome to DJ Filibuster’s Political Playlist Hour — the only show where we spin the hottest campaign bops and the cringiest beats fresh off the campaign trail.
You know, it seems like every candidate nowadays has to put out a playlist. Yep, right up there with shaking babies and kissing hands, crafting a Spotify mix is apparently the new ticket to the White House. Now, let’s count down the greatest hits.
Trump’s Playlist:
“Ave Maria” | Various artists
Nothing screams “unity” like a hymn that belongs in a cathedral more than a rally. Whether he’s canonizing himself or just crossing his fingers for divine help, this one’s here to bless the crowd or maybe just confuse them.
“It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s World” | James Brown
Just in case anyone missed the memo, Trump’s reminding us of the “good old days” when men ran the world – and the soundtrack too. A tune for all those longing for simpler times, when gender roles were as subtle as, well, this song choice.
“YMCA” | Village People
Yes, the LGBTQ+ anthem made it to the rally! Trump’s rally-goers have probably never been so collectively befuddled. Maybe he’s all about the “village” it takes to run America – just as long as it’s his kind of village.
“Hallelujah” | Leonard Cohen
Leonard Cohen’s soul-searching ballad about, well, life’s complications and heartbreaks, which makes it perfect for, um, political unity? Trump’s crowd gets to ponder life’s mysteries with a side of campaign messaging. “Hallelujah” indeed.
“Nothing Compares 2 U” | Sinead O’Connor
The quintessential breakup ballad, perfect for a candidate who wants you to know: You’ll miss him when he’s gone. Or will you? Either way, this song choice is as sentimental as it is random, but it just might bring a tear to the eye…or not.
“An American Trilogy” | Elvis Presley
Elvis’s Civil War nostalgia medley, because every campaign rally needs some confusing patriotism, right? Equal parts star-spangled pride and slightly awkward nostalgia. For everyone else? Just bewilderment.
“November Rain” | Guns N’ Roses
Nothing says “political victory” like a Guns N’ Roses breakup ballad about fleeting love and long guitar solos. It’s almost poetic: campaigns, like November rain, don’t last forever – and maybe that’s a blessing.
“God Bless the U.S.A.” | Lee Greenwood
The final boss of campaign songs, rolled out whenever “subtlety” leaves the building. Loud, proud, and as American as a bald eagle draped in a flag. If it’s overplayed? Well, so is every political talking point.
Kamala’s Playlist:
“Freedom” | Beyoncé featuring Kendrick Lamar
Kamala’s message is clear: she’s here to break every metaphorical chain in her path. This is her way of saying, “I’m Beyoncé-level unstoppable,” just with less glitter and probably more press conferences.
“ABC” | The Jackson 5
A throwback to simpler times – a world of 1-2-3s and kid-sized optimism. It’s an easy reminder that governing doesn’t have to be quantum physics…or, at least, that it shouldn’t feel like it is. A bit of nostalgia for those who miss the basics.
“God is a Woman” | Ariana Grande
Subtlety’s out the door as Kamala lets everyone know that, yes, the boss might just be a woman. It’s the campaign’s way of saying, “If divinity were a candidate, she’d look suspiciously like me.”
“Cruel Summer” | Taylor Swift
Just in time for the season’s political heat, Kamala’s got Taylor’s anthem for enduring the summer showdown. It’s got drama, it’s got grit, and it’s basically the political theme song for every campaign burnout moment.
“Mr. Brightside” | The Killers
The ultimate “keep smiling while Rome burns” anthem. It’s Kamala’s way of saying she’s got her game face on, even if the whole campaign trail feels like a circus on fire. Chin up, America!
“FREEDOM” | Jon Batiste
Kamala’s here to “let freedom ring” – and maybe shimmy a bit while she’s at it. If you didn’t get the message with the last freedom anthem, here’s another. She’s got this, and you’re invited to dance along.
“I’m Coming Out” | Diana Ross
Kamala’s here and, like Diana Ross, she’s making an entrance. “I’m coming out” is the vibe, the announcement, and the whole energy. She’s here for it, and she’s got every last lyric of confidence to prove it.
“Respect” | Aretha Franklin
Because no campaign is complete without spelling out R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Kamala’s not just asking for it; she’s laying down the law. It’s a vibe, a demand, and a reminder.
That’s all, folks! From cringey to the sublime, this campaign’s playlist has been a wild ride. By the end, we’ll all need either a good lullaby, a stiff drink — or maybe just a Xanax!
